No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
sex in a hospital.. check
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
