When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
