dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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