you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
