Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
