Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
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