Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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