Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
