Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
