i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize