So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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