**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
