My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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