Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
