i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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