No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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