Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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