Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
