so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
