i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
