i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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