Tell her she can't have a vagina
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
