so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
