Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
