If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Your shirt... Was in my pants
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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