i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
