shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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