Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
