she peed on how many people?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
