There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize