I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
