I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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