If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
