Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
