let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
