Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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