I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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