: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
