everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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