Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
