i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just invented taco cereal.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
