Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
