I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
