The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im six kinds of drunk right now
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
