What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
smell my finger.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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