I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Lo siento on account of my penis...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
