I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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