It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
