there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
