so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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