I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
