You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
