yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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