i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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