My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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