I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
