My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize