Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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