Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
