and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
