I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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