I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
