Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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