I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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