This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
