i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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