garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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