Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
