Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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