He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I would ride that face into the sunset
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
