My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
