Is it because I queefed?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You are the jesus of drinking
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
