do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
