i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize