I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
sarcasm needs its own font
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
