problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
