It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
