woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize