I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
