thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
