I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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