I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
