Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
