I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
