is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize