Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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