I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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