my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
