and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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