Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
