the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
