Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
