3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
