I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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